Yes, idiot. No you didn't read it wrong. And yes, I'm calling myself an idiot. No not you, not at all. This thing called love, makes me an idiot. Every single time. So I write a letter-an affidavit of sorts.
Dear Lady.
I've been accused of seeing the world through colored glasses. I admit, with some amount of incredulity, that perhaps the allegations are true and admissible. I love thee too much. And it colors the way I perceive.
You have probably changed many an aspect of my life, from the way I talk to the way I work. But, thanks to a particular gentleman against whom I might have a few reservations, I seem to have opened my eyes to the possibility that I was being a fool, an idiot, a stupid narcissistic bum.
It was also probably entirely my fault too. I knew how this would turn out, since the very beginning, and tried to take the adequate precautions, but it simply wasn't enough to contain the onslaught of the emotional buffeting I experienced. It was simply an overwhelming sledgehammer that kept pounding inside my head and my entire psyche. It was simply unstoppable. A dam had to break somewhere. And break it did.
So after a sacrosanct 24 hours of austerities, and a few heartfelt discussions with my shadow and the very best of friends, I realize how big a fool I have been. Yes, I love you a lot. There is not an iota of doubt about it. And I shall always love you, irrespective of whether this love is requited or remains unrequited. It's love - pure and undemanding. It shall always be there waiting for you. But I, perhaps, will have moved on.
You asked me once, if I am trustworthy - yes lady. I'll always be. But, I will not stand twiddling my thumbs as you keep dishing out last chances to a particular gentleman with whom you manage to pick a fight every other day. This is not about being the first one to give up either. It's about preserving the sanity of three people. It's called self preservation. Its fruitless to wait in queue when its proven time and again that my love is not worth an iota of consideration, and that it can be swept under the carpet each time your gentleman crooks his finger every other way.
This begs me to question, whether I'm just another safe fallback option to you? Let me put it in financial terms, "Am I a call option for another call option?"
You will probably detest me, despise me, hate me, call me names, but all I can tell you, is that, I'll love you anyway. There is a song playing, that says, you always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn't hurt at all. you always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall. Perhaps it is true. Perhaps I'm just too naive not to see it. But can you prove it to me?
I donot know what path I'm taking. I donot know where it leads. I donot know if I shall ever see you again. I donot know what tomorrow shall bring. I donot know how this will change things, for you and me. But I do know, I'll love you the same. That you shall always hold a place in this wasted heart of mine.
Perhaps I am being too candid, too open for my own good. But I shall tell you this. I wasn't surprised by the way things turned out. It was just that the timing was impeccable - spot on, to hurt me right in my guts. And in a way I never imagined. I expected it to be a little gentler, but with the way we all behave socially, it was definitely my fault at not expecting something like this.
The past 100 days have been some of my best days - stormy and calm, in cycles, but nonetheless some of the best days. Thank you for that. And no matter what happens now, nobody can ever take that away from me. And neither from you.
Sincerely yours
Forever
Ani
#lookingforafairytale
Dear Lady.
I've been accused of seeing the world through colored glasses. I admit, with some amount of incredulity, that perhaps the allegations are true and admissible. I love thee too much. And it colors the way I perceive.
You have probably changed many an aspect of my life, from the way I talk to the way I work. But, thanks to a particular gentleman against whom I might have a few reservations, I seem to have opened my eyes to the possibility that I was being a fool, an idiot, a stupid narcissistic bum.
It was also probably entirely my fault too. I knew how this would turn out, since the very beginning, and tried to take the adequate precautions, but it simply wasn't enough to contain the onslaught of the emotional buffeting I experienced. It was simply an overwhelming sledgehammer that kept pounding inside my head and my entire psyche. It was simply unstoppable. A dam had to break somewhere. And break it did.
So after a sacrosanct 24 hours of austerities, and a few heartfelt discussions with my shadow and the very best of friends, I realize how big a fool I have been. Yes, I love you a lot. There is not an iota of doubt about it. And I shall always love you, irrespective of whether this love is requited or remains unrequited. It's love - pure and undemanding. It shall always be there waiting for you. But I, perhaps, will have moved on.
You asked me once, if I am trustworthy - yes lady. I'll always be. But, I will not stand twiddling my thumbs as you keep dishing out last chances to a particular gentleman with whom you manage to pick a fight every other day. This is not about being the first one to give up either. It's about preserving the sanity of three people. It's called self preservation. Its fruitless to wait in queue when its proven time and again that my love is not worth an iota of consideration, and that it can be swept under the carpet each time your gentleman crooks his finger every other way.
This begs me to question, whether I'm just another safe fallback option to you? Let me put it in financial terms, "Am I a call option for another call option?"
You will probably detest me, despise me, hate me, call me names, but all I can tell you, is that, I'll love you anyway. There is a song playing, that says, you always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn't hurt at all. you always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall. Perhaps it is true. Perhaps I'm just too naive not to see it. But can you prove it to me?
I donot know what path I'm taking. I donot know where it leads. I donot know if I shall ever see you again. I donot know what tomorrow shall bring. I donot know how this will change things, for you and me. But I do know, I'll love you the same. That you shall always hold a place in this wasted heart of mine.
Perhaps I am being too candid, too open for my own good. But I shall tell you this. I wasn't surprised by the way things turned out. It was just that the timing was impeccable - spot on, to hurt me right in my guts. And in a way I never imagined. I expected it to be a little gentler, but with the way we all behave socially, it was definitely my fault at not expecting something like this.
The past 100 days have been some of my best days - stormy and calm, in cycles, but nonetheless some of the best days. Thank you for that. And no matter what happens now, nobody can ever take that away from me. And neither from you.
Sincerely yours
Forever
Ani
#lookingforafairytale
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